Love in a Bag

Every year, I volunteer for a local Denver service called Project Valentine. On or around Valentine’s Day, a team of drivers fans out across the metro area to deliver Valentine’s goodie bags to chemo patients – 600 this year. The annual project was founded by Colleen Anderson, an ovarian cancer patient – like me – who had her first chemo treatment on Valentine’s Day 2001. Though Colleen succumbed to her cancer in 2007, her project lives on, and brings smiles to cancer patients each February.

When you have a needle in your arm or a port on your chest and you’re attached to an IV bag dripping poisonous chemicals into your body for several hours, it’s amazing how little it takes to bring a smile to your face. I would revel in the friends who came to sit with me during treatment, take-out lunch delivered to my chemo chair, the hand-knit hats and scarves made by volunteers, and even the cheesy song accompanied by balloons performed by the staff for each patient’s last treatment.

Of course, it’s great to deliver goodie bags, see the smiles on patient’s faces, receive the hugs and thank yous, but so many people work hard year-round to make this project possible. Fundraising, seeking product donations, craft days, stuffing, sorting and picking up the bags for delivery all have to get done as well. There are countless volunteers who organize and work hard behind the scenes with little thanks or recognition. That is why I’m taking the opportunity of my column to thank them for all that they do to make this program possible. I am hoping their work will inspire you to do something great in your own community.

The Obamas have done a great job of encouraging service on Martin Luther King Day, as so many past presidents have also highlighted service as one of the best contributions American’s can make. Jimmy Carter has played a large role in the work of Habitat for Humanity. George Bush Sr. emphasized the Thousand Points of Light, which inspired the foundation of the same name, now merged with the Hands On Network. Bill Clinton founded the Clinton Global Initiative, whose mission is to encourage investment, grow the economy and create jobs through private-public partnership.

Martin Luther King said, “Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.” There is something each of us can do to brighten someone’s day, and God knows there is so much to be done. You don’t have to be president to do something great. Look at Colleen. From founding your own non-profit, to volunteering with one in your community or just writing a check to a cause you support, you can serve in whatever way is best for you. Charities are really suffering in this economy, and anything you can give will be gratefully received. Out of work? How about donating some of your now abundant free time to a good cause. Jim Pancero said, “Doing something for nothing is better than doing nothing for nothing.”

I used to make it a point to send valentines to all of my single friends. V-Day, or “Singles Awareness Day” if you prefer, is tough on those without partners. Imagine how tough it is to be single AND have cancer. Yikes! That’s why one of my goals this year is to expand Project Valentine to send goody bags to single cancer patients around the country. I’m not quite sure yet how I’ll pull this off, but I plan to partner with some great organizations that are already doing good work such as Chemo Angels, I’m Too Young For This and Imerman Angels. If you have ideas about how to identify single cancer patients or make this project work, please share them with me, or feel free to share ideas you have for a project of your own. Thanks for what you do to make your community a better place.

Hallmark Holidays: A Single Cell

I was going to post something about retreats this month, but then Valentine’s Day rolled around, and I decided someone who writes about issues from a single perspective couldn’t pass up this opportunity to address the holiday I like to call “Singles Awareness Day.” I think if you show any disdain for V-Day and you’re single, people assume it’s bitterness shining through. I used to get excited about getting flowers on February 14th when I was dating someone, and I still delight in the cards I receive from friends and family now when there is not a significant other. I even sent out my own custom-made cards this year to the special people in my life, and took the extra step of sending them through Loveland, CO to have them hand-cancelled by volunteers with the annual city of love stamp.

Even given all of that, I still think Valentine’s Day, like Christmas and Easter, has become more about commercialism than the real reason for each of those venerated celebrations. As someone who has signed onto the idea of the Compact, and bought very little new since last June, I have been appalled at just how consumer-driven our culture has become. Many others have as well, as evidenced by the popularity of the San Francisco-based Compact and the recent growth in popularity of FreeCycle. We are beginning to recognize that blatant consumerism is damaging our environment and our culture. More and more of us are waking up to a different way of living – realizing that we don’t have to have the very latest electronic gadget to be happy, and that we can probably borrow or buy used, much of the “stuff” that we really need.

It is so easy to let the marketplace with its expensive advertising, tell us what we need to be happy. It takes much more intentionality and thought to choose to live differently. The array of things that will supposedly make our lives better is endless, and the amount of time we are spending at work in order to buy them continues to grow. Personally, I would rather have more free time and control over my work schedule than all of the shiny new stuff that clutters up my living space. Really, how special do you feel to get a dozen roses or a piece of jewelry or a nice dinner out because some holiday prescribes it necessary? Isn’t it far better to have love shown by family, friends and romantic partners on an ordinary day through simple gestures – a card or note, a great massage or even a thoughtful email?

My family started some new Christmas traditions a few years ago that I am proud of, and which have turned out to be so much more fulfilling than any store-bought gift we could give. We started by deciding not to buy gifts at all, but donate the money we would have spent to worthy charities instead. On Christmas morning, we would share stories about where our donations went to, and how we chose them. Next, we decided to reinstate gifts, but rather than buying for everyone, we would draw a name and make our gift.

The gifts over the past five years of this tradition have been more meaningful and special than anything available in a store for any price! I have a talented family, so some of the gifts are still quite extravagant – soft quilts, beautiful cross-stitch, paintings, candles and gorgeously crafted furniture. Others have been simpler, but even more meaningful: scrapbooks, memory books, and CDs and DVDs with special songs or precious memories. This new tradition nourishes our creativity and invites us to express our feelings through our gift. The best part is that there are no returns, and everyone always loves what they get.

Colleen Anderson started a great tradition in Denver that is still going strong. She received chemo after her diagnosis, like me, with ovarian cancer. In 2002, she started Project Valentine, to deliver goody bags to men, women and children getting chemo on Valentine’s Day. Even though Colleen passed away this year from her cancer, her legacy lives on in the non-profit she started. Her friends and family, with the help of many volunteers, have kept the project going. If you think it’s bad being single on Valentine’s Day, imagine having to sit through hours of chemotherapy, and then deal with the associated side-effects for the next week! Doesn’t put you in a very romantic mood.

The project started in November with a meeting and the divvying of duties. Volunteers signed up to solicit donations of bags, books, DVDs, bracelets, lotion, candy, hats, scarves and other items. Others got cash donations to buy needed items, stored donations in their garages and rallied volunteers to decorate hundreds of valentines. There was a Saturday devoted to sorting and counting and filling candy bags, and another to assembling the bags. On the 14th, despite three inches of snow covering a quarter inch of ice on everything in Denver, drivers fanned out across the city to deliver the bags to infusion centers. Some of us were lucky enough to be able to distribute bags to patients directly, and chat with them for a few minutes. The smiles and gratitude from the recipients made the months of hard work and the braving of bad roads all worth it.

I admit I used to call Valentine’s Day Black Thursday, and my single friends and I would dress in all black in mock-protest of the “lovers holiday.” Now I realize how great it is to celebrate love in any form. This year I celebrated my love for me by having an evening all to myself. I lit a fire in the fireplace, cooked a great meal and curled up with a good book. I even got out the guitar I have been promising to learn for the past eight months and taught myself how to tune it – a great start! I went to bed with such a huge smile on my face and deep love in my heart for myself and for life. Who wouldn’t want to celebrate that?