I Don't Have Time for Cancer

Perhaps the most common reaction when faced with a cancer diagnosis is fear for your life, and I certainly had that, at least initially. I was lucky though, and was diagnosed early – stage II – so I never really thought that I might die. What bothered me most about cancer was the interruption to my life.

At the time of my diagnosis, I was the CEO of a small company, a whitewater canoe guide and an active volunteer with several different organizations. Just days before Memorial Day in 2006, I was told I had ovarian cancer, and I was immediately annoyed that I would have to be recovering from surgery and starting chemo during the fantastic Colorado summer! I labeled 2006 my “lost summer” as a result.

After four years guiding whitewater canoe trips on western rivers, I had just been handed my dream schedule with three trips on river sections I hadn’t done before. I was so looking forward to paddling the Dolores with its excellent rapids, the Colorado River above Moab and the famed five-day stretch of the Green River into Canyonlands National Park in Utah. I had never gotten that great a canoe schedule before, and I haven’t since. The only trip I got to do that summer was the guide trip three weeks before I was diagnosed. I still haven’t paddled the Dolores either!

As if that weren’t bad enough, I had just booked a trip to Alaska for the week after Memorial Day. Plane tickets had been purchased and reservations made for an adventure in Juneau three years in the making. It ended up being my one-year cancerversary celebration the following summer instead! I had been scheduled to present at two conferences, and had reservations at Mesa Verde – still one of the few national parks in the region I haven’t yet made it to.

I recognize my good fortune at having the luxury of annoyance rather than the fear of death. All things considered, I would take that again any day. But for a busy person like me with barely a free moment in my schedule to begin with, having to give up precious time in the mountains or on the river to sit in a chemo room, or lie on the couch recovering from surgery when the sun was shining was really trying.

I very much resented cancer’s interruption of my life, and the time required to fight the disease. . .time away from work that was important to me, traveling (which I love), and outdoor activities that feed my soul. It also cost me quite a bit of money – about $8,000 all told in doctor co-pays, prescription drugs and insurance deductibles. I would have put that money to such good use on awesome adventures if I hadn’t given it to cancer!

Four years later, summer is nearly over, and I just returned from the canoe trip for single survivors that I have been planning for the past five months. This weekend, 14 people joined us from across the country to embark on a three-day adventure on the Colorado River. Since I have been talking about providing services for the single survivor crowd for three years, this is a BIG deal for me – the start of something new and exciting! It was a big deal for them too. The trip was so rewarding and fun for us all. Here are just a few of the comments from the weekend:

“Thanks for four of the best days of my life. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt joy and at peace, and this weekend I felt both. Also, I feel hopeful again and inspired to get out there and really live. Thank you SOOO much!”

“I just wanted to say thank you for this weekend. It was something I really needed and came at the right time. I’m sure everyone on the trip had the best time of their lives, and you touched more lives than you can imagine - not just those attending, but those who are their friends, their family… etc. It’s quite amazing to see the change in people and you were the catalyst for that change. It was an honor to be a part of this event and I can’t thank you enough….”

The response has been tremendous, and we have a great database of people who are interested in future activities, even if three days camping on the river isn’t exactly their cup of tea or their schedule wouldn’t allow then to participate this time. We raised enough money to cover trip expenses above and beyond those generous organizations like Centennial Canoe Outfitters and Marmot who donated gear, Greek101 who donated t-shirts, and giving individuals who donated cash or frequent flier miles to provide travel scholarships. We couldn’t have done it without the non-profit sponsorship of Tamika & Friends, a rockstar planning committee, and river guides willing to donate their time and energy. Denver’s 9News did a feature story on the trip two weeks prior that generated local interest and added a few participants to the roster as well.

This entire experience has given me a feeling of profound gratitude for all of the amazing individuals who have contributed to making this trip happen, and created the foundation for a new organization to serve single survivors (Solo Survivors? Looking for a good name for the new venture – if you have ideas, email asinglecell@gmail.com - would like for it to emphasize connection and relationship rather than alone-ness). If you are a single cancer survivor, and would like to be added to the mailing list for future events, please let us know.

Even if you are sick and tired of the hot weather and mosquitoes wherever you are, enjoy these last few weeks of summer. Get outside and do something fun. It will be cold before we know it, so appreciate the season and share it with friends.

Fulfillment

Originally written May 23, 2010

Today is my four-year cancerversary. I was diagnosed at age 36 with a rare form of ovarian cancer, but I was lucky. We caught it early, and treatment was successful. Approximately 10 months after my initial diagnosis, I was declared cancer-free, and all of the follow-ups have been positive ever since. While the physical symptoms of cancer and the side effects from treatment have left my body, the emotional and psychological impacts likely never will completely.

Even though I am among many survivors who have declared cancer one of the best things that ever happened to me, there are still psychological downsides that arise when I least expect it – sometimes I recognize them and their source immediately, and other times, they are completely unconscious, and yet, the impact is still there. My story is not unique, and one aspect of it has resonated for me, and also with others who are part of this club none of us chose to join.

Cancer is tough, and I believe that even when surrounded by the best team in the world made up of friends and family, a significant other, great doctors, a supportive workplace, etc. etc, in the end, each person still goes through cancer alone. No one else can ever really understand what it feels like. When you are single, that lonely feeling can be exponentially greater. Even with all the supportive elements above, not having someone there 24/7 to support you during the darkest hours can be really hard. Just being single can sometimes bring up feelings of unworthiness or despair. Adding a life-threatening illness on top of that can be a big double whammy!

A recent survey of single cancer survivors highlighted some common themes:

· Nearly 80% report feeling alone.

· Just over 83% experience body image issues from scarring or other cancer side effects such as weight gain, missing body parts or hair loss.

· 65% have concerns about fertility.

· Almost 85% feel anxiety or inadequacy about dating and sexuality because of the above.

The top needs expressed by this population were:

· Connections with other similar survivors (77%)

· A book or other information about dealing with cancer as a single person (67%)

· Information about dating/sexuality (62%)

· Healing touch such as reiki, massage, etc. (61%)

For more than three years now, I have been talking about finding a way to serve this segment of the cancer survivor population. Even before I finished treatment, people who read my regular online updates suggested that I write a book, and I have been writing a monthly column about my experiences as a single survivor since 2007. You can see the archives and read them each month here: http://tinyurl.com/divinecaroline-SingleCell

I have also immersed myself in the cancer community attending summits and young adult alliance meetings with the Lance Armstrong Foundation, participating in cancer camps and retreats from kayaking to meditation, serving as an “Angel” for two different organizations and becoming particularly involved with groups serving young adults. The people I have met along the way have been amazing. They have helped me feel WAY less alone, and been so supportive as I try to figure out how best to serve singles with cancer. After three years of talking, I am finally beginning to gain some momentum, and I am thrilled to report that three events are in the works:

1. Canoeing & Connection: An Adventure for Singles with Cancer August 27-29, 2010 This three-day canoe trip on the Colorado River is for single survivors who are 21 and older and at least three months post-treatment. Sponsored by Centennial Canoe Outfitters and Tamika & Friends, this trip promises to be a fun and relaxing weekend in the beautiful canyons of Colorado and Utah. Go here for more information: http://tinyurl.com/canoe-connection

2. Singles with Cancer: Bootcamp Date and Location TBD (possibly November 2010) Sponsored by i2y – The I’m Too Young for This Cancer Foundation, this one day program will focus on the issues single survivors say are most important to them: dating anxiety, sexuality, body image, fertility, etc.

3. Love and Power: A Relationship Retreat for Singles with Cancer Valentines 2011 Offered in cooperation between Revolutionary Wisdom and Tamika & Friends, this retreat will address issues specific to singles with cancer while also delving into something deeper. It will not just be a workshop, but a weekend to help you tap into what is important to you and to connect with others. Love. Companionship. Intimacy and sexuality. These are vital aspects of our most intimate relationships in life, and finding ways to enhance and support these aspects of our relationships is important. For those of us who are single, these aspects are often the primary reasons we seek to enter into new relationships. Yet there is something greater which is possible -- a Soulful Relationship.

If you are interested in being involved with any of these events either as a planner or participant, please contact me at asinglecell@gmail.com.