Faith

--> I grew up in the Bible belt in a family that wasn’t religious. Setting aside the inherent difficulties in that, I always associated faith with religion, and didn’t think it had much of a place in my life.  Though I still don’t consider myself religious, I am deeply spiritual, and becoming more so each day. Last spring, I began to focus on the role of faith in my life, and I to really trust in something bigger than myself more fervently than I have before.

Though I have always been a positive and hopeful person, there was a sort of block when it came to faith. I wanted evidence before I could trust. I believed that science and faith were at odds with each other, and that faith required a suspension of reason. I wanted to believe some of the things I was reading and hearing about the nature of the universe and the metaphysical, but I was skeptical and sometimes even cynical.

I now see that they are actually intertwined, and there have been a number of scientific studies that have proven the power of faith such as those that confirmed the healing power of prayer. Quantum physics is gaining traction as an explanation of how our thoughts affect our physical surroundings and circumstances. And while his experiments have been criticized as unscientific, Masaru Emoto, demonstrated that human consciousness has an effect on the molecular structure of water.

His experiments involved exposing water samples to concentrated thoughts of either a positive or a negative nature. Thoughts such as “you make me sick,” “I hate you,” etc. were juxtaposed with loving and positive thoughts. Water frozen and examined under a microscope showed incomplete, malformed and distorted crystals from the negative thoughts and beautiful, symmetrical, colorful patterns from the positive ones.

In March, I participated in a program for young adult cancer survivors in Hawaii. This surf camp asked us to choose a camp name that represented our power, and I chose Kale‘le’, which means “to have faith” in Hawaiian. I chose this, not because I already had an abundance of faith, but because I was seeking to foster more of it in my life. For a few months now, I have awoken to a sign above my bed that reads, “I trust that I will be taken care of.” And I really do.

In the past, I worried a great deal. I didn’t necessarily express my worries to others, but internally, I was always focused on what was “wrong,” and on the problems in my life. Now, I choose to focus on the positives instead. It’s a subtle shift with profound implications. The circumstances of my life haven’t changed dramatically, but my inner state about them has. I am much calmer, more peaceful, grateful, and loving in my thoughts.

I have often viewed religion as a sort of crutch, giving the faithful a certainty that was comforting, no doubt, but provided little basis in reality. Sure, it was helpful in getting through day-to-day life, but wasn’t it also folly of a sort to believe in something for which there was no evidence? Now I see that there is no downside to faith. If we believe in something bigger than ourselves and are wrong, we’ve lost nothing, but if that belief gives us comfort in life, we’ve gained a great deal.

Intuition

It’s been described as a still small voice deep inside each of us, a whisper, a gut feeling. What is intuition really, and how can we tell when it’s speaking to us? I have been thinking about this topic and having some breakthroughs on listening to my own intuition, and woke up this morning determined to write about it when I noticed in my email inbox an excellent piece by Martha Beck on just that. (see link below)

Her description of the two personalities of intuition hit me like a ton of bricks. I had just completed a weekend spiritual seminar in which I realized how fully I typically dismiss my intuition. I simply chalk it up to something else – some fantasy, or daydream of my conscious mind, and not really something deeper that can be trusted and followed to bring me greater joy.

Last January I participated in a retreat for cancer survivors at the famous Miraval spa in Arizona, and one afternoon I attended a program on intuition. At one point we were asked to partner with someone next to us who we didn’t know, and exchange a personal item – a piece of jewelry or clothing. We were led through a brief meditation to get centered and then told to pay attention to any messages we were getting about the person whose item we held.

Immediately, I saw images of a beautiful brown horse, and almost as instantly, I dismissed them as not the REAL message I was supposed to be focusing on. My logical brain reasoned that these images were only coming to mind because I knew, of course, that Miraval was famous for its Equine Experience. I had been hearing about how amazing this program was since the minute I’d set foot on the property. I forcefully tried to clear the horse images from my mind so I could sense something personal about this woman sitting next to me. The horse popped up again and again and I got so frustrated with myself that I couldn’t seem to do this. The entire exercise was less than 90 seconds long, but I made myself wrong for most of that time.

When the facilitator asked us to share with our partners, I reluctantly told her what I had “seen.” She exclaimed, “I JUST finished the Equine Experience and it was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever done.” When I described the horse I had seen, she confirmed that indeed her horse had fit that description. She told me in turn that when she held my ring in her hand, she wanted to slump to the floor and take a nap. I told her I had just come from one of the most relaxing yoga classes I’d ever taken, and had actually fallen asleep at the end of shavasana. I do yoga regularly and that had never happened to me before.

The stories shared by other participants around the room were equally amazing. They ranged from images, like mine, to physical sensations and even emotions. One woman got a pain in her hand, and her partner confirmed that she had severe arthritis in that exact spot. You’d think such an amazing experience would help me to better recognize and trust my own intuition, but sadly, it didn’t.

You might be able to tell from what I’ve shared so far, that I’m a bit of a retreat junkie. I love personal and professional development, and take advantage of any opportunity I’m given to participate in a workshop, retreat or seminar. The cancer crowd loves these sorts of things, and they often ask us to tap into our feelings or spirit in some way. I have seen people have incredibly profound experiences and share tremendous and life-changing insights they have gained through these events.

I, on the other hand, have beat myself up that I “must be doing it wrong,” because I just don’t seem to be having the same level of insight or emotional reaction or deep understanding. I remember a visualisation once to find our spirit guides where people described seeing a tiger or lamb or horse and feeling a strong connection. I saw nothing, and was so mad at myself for not getting it. The truth is I probably did see something, and dismissed it as not important or profound enough and therefore, not memorable or worth sharing.

Perhaps you can identify with how quickly we are willing to believe a negative thought or emotion we have. You make a strong connection with someone and then they don’t call and you tell yourself you made it all up. The connection wasn’t really there. In this way, you begin to doubt yourself. These negative thoughts are easier to believe than the idea that someone might actually like us, but has just been too busy to call or got distracted by life.

I recently had one of these experiences AGAIN, and as the negative thoughts, beating myself up, feeling hurt and questioning my feelings began to gain momentum the words TRUST LOVE floated through my consciousness. If I dismissed it, and let my worry take over, it came through again, and again, and again, until finally I stopped imagining the worst case scenario and listened to my intuition to trust.

I believe it is actually our highest self that allows us to feel the emotions to begin with. It is the best part of us that opens us up to vulnerability and trust and love. It is the ego that beats us up, questions anything good, and tries to make us feel unworthy or unlovable. The ego screams at us in a way that is difficult to ignore, and so we usually believe it. Intuition whispers and calms, and invites us to step into a better way, and because it’s so soft and non-intrusive, we often miss it. Or even worse, hear it and dismiss it.

Recently, I had a vision during a meditation in which we were asked to receive guidance and messages about our lives. As I have many times before, I dismissed what I saw as a product of my conscious brain that was getting in the way of what I was REALLY supposed to be seeing. I forcefully tried to push it from my mind, but it persisted. The image is one I’ve actually seen many times before but hadn’t given much thought to. It is this: me, in a white dress, on a hillside with the sun shining down, getting married to a man in a kilt. I have always imagined myself marrying a man in a kilt. I assumed this image came to me because my family heritage is Scottish on my dad’s side, and my favorite book series features a strong Scottish Highlander as its main character.

However, what if it’s the other way around. What if I was drawn to those books because I have a stronger connection with Scotland than my family heritage? Perhaps I am destined to marry a man in a kilt with sparkling blue eyes and a heart-melting brogue. I don’t know if I am or not, but I do know that I met such a man at the same event where I had the vision, and that I feel a very strong connection to him. Whether the vision comes true or not with this man or another, I know one thing for sure. I am NOT dismissing my intuition this time. I’m going to trust it and see where it leads me.

Are there times in your life when you ignored an intuitive feeling?

Can you think of a time when you listened to your intuition?

What is the benefit of trusting this higher part of yourself?

Martha Beck piece on Intuition