Seeing Things Differently

Wikipedia says that experiencing betrayal can produce similar feelings as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – called betrayal trauma. It gives examples of situations that can give rise to this phenomenon: discrimination, bullying, hazing and false arrest. As someone who works in hazing prevention, this hit home to me on a professional level. Being betrayed by someone in whom we have placed our trust can be emotionally devastating, leaving deep wounds and trust issues in its wake.

I have experienced these types of betrayals a few times in my life, and the feelings that come with them are deeply seared into my psyche – shock first, then disbelief, anger, upset, hurt. It is natural to replay events for signs you may have missed that your trust was misplaced. We often blame ourselves in some way, allowing feelings of unworthiness to take hold and make us believe we deserved it somehow. We always blame the betrayer, allowing our righteous anger to shun the offender and carry us through what might otherwise be unbearable despair. Making someone else wrong means we get to be right, and “right” feels morally superior to “duped.”

Over the past seven months or so, I have been participating in programs offered by Landmark Education that along with previous work such as A Course in Miracles and the work of Byron Katie, have opened up to me a new way of being that literally allows me to see things differently. The basic premise being that we cause most of the despair in our lives by how we perceive an event, and that perception is molded by all the situations we have dealt with in our past. Something happens to us and we make up a story about what it means, and then we apply those stories to new events as they occur. This is human nature. It is a survival mechanism.

While these “stories” help us make sense of situations that cause us trauma or grief, they don’t serve our higher purpose. They allow us to get stuck in the story, wallow in self-pity, and make others wrong in order to feel right. We can literally transform ourselves by choosing to see things differently. It is not easy. It takes practice and sometimes coaching from someone who is not as attached to the situation as you are. Byron Katie’s work is helpful because she offers four questions you can walk yourself through for any situation in order to see what’s really true underneath the stories we have piled on.

Those of us who have experienced cancer, know all about survival as a concept, as do people who have been assaulted in some way. "Surviving" seems like a great goal at the time that you are faced with something traumatic, and being a survivor is a badge of honor that we proudly wear. However, the new way of seeing things I describe below will help move you beyond simply surviving to thriving and opening yourself up to new ways of being that you didn't think were possible before.

I recently had a chance to practice this in a situation that previously would have caused me weeks of depression, despair, judging, anger, processing, drama and beating myself up. I allowed myself to be swallowed up by it for a time – but for hours, not days. With the help of some good coaching and personal reflection, I was able to turn it around in less than 48 hours, forgive the betrayer and myself, take responsibility for my role in the scenario (probably the hardest part for most of us), and come out the other side feeling not just ok, but euphoric.

It is difficult to describe the power that comes with taking responsibility. When you can literally transform even the most harrowing of experiences by choosing to see them differently, you are no longer the victim, but the victor. You have control of every situation, relationship and experience and the power to either transform it into what you would like it to be or to let it go so it no longer has the power to hurt you. I still can’t quite believe I am able to do this. It is a miracle to me.

If you want to try transformation as a practice, I recommend the resources above, but you can also do it on your own by simple practicing these steps in the moment of despair, anger, hurt, frustration, worry, etc.

1. Sit still somewhere and center yourself with deep breaths, breathe evenly.

2. Meditate or pray and simply ask to see it differently. Over and over if necessary. This doesn’t usually come quickly.

3. Rather than placing blame, look for something you can take responsibility for – far from making you feel weak as someone who “gives in,” taking responsibility gives you the power to transform the experience for you.

4. Look for the “story” you have been telling yourself about the situation or about yourself or others involved. This is often based on past experience – “this always happens to me,” “I am so stupid,” “no one is ever going to love me,” etc. This can be a difficult step because our stories are our reality – they are the lens through which we view the world. They are such a part of us that they can be difficult to see. This is where an objective coach with some training might be helpful.

5. Be generous – what are the positives about this experience or person that you are currently struggling with? What opportunities is this experience opening up for you? How can your life be different as a result?

6. It might help to journal or write a letter to the person or organization. Whether or not you send it, writing often helps us identify our own feelings so we can make sense of them.

7. Be authentic. This isn’t about ego or saving face or being right. It isn’t about making the other person wrong. Work through these elements in your writing or thought process – how you’re feeling (I statements), what you’re taking responsibility for, and perhaps what you request in order to heal and move forward.

8. Let go of any attachment to the outcome, especially in relation to the other person. Your request may go unfulfilled or even completely unheard. That doesn’t matter. You can still forgive and let go even if the other party doesn’t feel or show remorse, admit responsibility or even receive the communication. This process is about transforming the experience for YOU alone.

I truly hope you will give transformation a try. I can’t even begin to describe the positive impact it has had on my life to be able to see things differently.

Love in a Bag

Every year, I volunteer for a local Denver service called Project Valentine. On or around Valentine’s Day, a team of drivers fans out across the metro area to deliver Valentine’s goodie bags to chemo patients – 600 this year. The annual project was founded by Colleen Anderson, an ovarian cancer patient – like me – who had her first chemo treatment on Valentine’s Day 2001. Though Colleen succumbed to her cancer in 2007, her project lives on, and brings smiles to cancer patients each February.

When you have a needle in your arm or a port on your chest and you’re attached to an IV bag dripping poisonous chemicals into your body for several hours, it’s amazing how little it takes to bring a smile to your face. I would revel in the friends who came to sit with me during treatment, take-out lunch delivered to my chemo chair, the hand-knit hats and scarves made by volunteers, and even the cheesy song accompanied by balloons performed by the staff for each patient’s last treatment.

Of course, it’s great to deliver goodie bags, see the smiles on patient’s faces, receive the hugs and thank yous, but so many people work hard year-round to make this project possible. Fundraising, seeking product donations, craft days, stuffing, sorting and picking up the bags for delivery all have to get done as well. There are countless volunteers who organize and work hard behind the scenes with little thanks or recognition. That is why I’m taking the opportunity of my column to thank them for all that they do to make this program possible. I am hoping their work will inspire you to do something great in your own community.

The Obamas have done a great job of encouraging service on Martin Luther King Day, as so many past presidents have also highlighted service as one of the best contributions American’s can make. Jimmy Carter has played a large role in the work of Habitat for Humanity. George Bush Sr. emphasized the Thousand Points of Light, which inspired the foundation of the same name, now merged with the Hands On Network. Bill Clinton founded the Clinton Global Initiative, whose mission is to encourage investment, grow the economy and create jobs through private-public partnership.

Martin Luther King said, “Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.” There is something each of us can do to brighten someone’s day, and God knows there is so much to be done. You don’t have to be president to do something great. Look at Colleen. From founding your own non-profit, to volunteering with one in your community or just writing a check to a cause you support, you can serve in whatever way is best for you. Charities are really suffering in this economy, and anything you can give will be gratefully received. Out of work? How about donating some of your now abundant free time to a good cause. Jim Pancero said, “Doing something for nothing is better than doing nothing for nothing.”

I used to make it a point to send valentines to all of my single friends. V-Day, or “Singles Awareness Day” if you prefer, is tough on those without partners. Imagine how tough it is to be single AND have cancer. Yikes! That’s why one of my goals this year is to expand Project Valentine to send goody bags to single cancer patients around the country. I’m not quite sure yet how I’ll pull this off, but I plan to partner with some great organizations that are already doing good work such as Chemo Angels, I’m Too Young For This and Imerman Angels. If you have ideas about how to identify single cancer patients or make this project work, please share them with me, or feel free to share ideas you have for a project of your own. Thanks for what you do to make your community a better place.

A Survivor Looks at Forty: A Single Cell

I am sitting on my lanai on the Hawaiian island of Kauai with my 40th birthday only hours away. As the waves from the Pacific Ocean crash against the rocks below, I can’t help but feel complete awe at the magnificence of my life. Tonight, and most days, really, I am the luckiest girl in the world! In this beautiful condo by the sea sleep four of my friends who said yes to spending my birthday with me in Hawaii. Two more join us in a few days. I am so blessed with so many amazing people in my life. That alone is enough to lead a fantastic life – how blessed are we who have good friends.There also happens to be a fascinating, handsome and funny man in my life at the moment. He finds me sexy, appreciates my brains and makes me laugh. What more could a girl want, really?

Three years ago, I stared ovarian cancer in the face. It was scary and inconvenient, but I was lucky. I received the multitude of life lessons that come from such a diagnosis, and got to walk away relatively unscathed – a few pounds heavier from the steroids that got me through chemo, one ovary lighter, and about a year with varying degrees of hairlessness. Not too bad a deal really in exchange for the rest of your life.

I had lunch last week with a “cancer buddy” – a friend I would likely never have met if a similar diagnosis hadn’t brought us together. She was not as lucky as I, and is already living on borrowed time. Though she has been doing chemo almost continuously for nearly three years now, the cancer is winning, and she knows she will eventually die from this disease. And yet, she lives her life fully every day, spending time with friends and family, golfing, skiing, kayaking and other adventures that even 100% healthy people don’t undertake. She travels and spends quality time with her husband, and talks matter-of-factly about her future, or lack thereof. She is my idol in every way. I feel blessed to have met her, and to learn from her, and I’m continually heartened by her courage and spirit.

Some might feel depressed at turning 40, and the over-the-hill jests are a given as people liken this monumental milestone to the beginning of a downward spiral, but I know better. I have come closer than many my age to the alternative, and turning 40 is more than cause for celebration to me. I have not begun to reach the highest peaks of my life yet, though I am feeling pretty far up in the pinnacles at the moment.

My Dad always swore that life began at 40, and I believe him. I am coming into my own, and I couldn’t be happier. I have a career that is so rewarding, get to do volunteer work that fulfills me, have great relationships with so many incredible people, live in a beautiful state and a fun city, and have the absolute luxury of two weeks in the islands for my birthday. Who could ask for more than that?

I know the year ahead is going to be incredible, and I am embracing 40 with a tremendous amount of affection and gratitude.

Resolutions

Exactly four years ago today I woke up, after ringing in 2006 with fondue and a few glasses of champagne at a friend’s house, to horrible stomach pains. What at first felt like the flu turned out to be the first symptoms of ovarian cancer, eventually diagnosed in May, and treated successfully throughout the rest of that year.

New Year’s Day always brings back those memories, and also reminds me how lucky I am to be healthy and happy at the dawn of another year. This holiday is also a particularly painful time to be single, and I’m reminded of that each year too as couples around me kiss in the new year on tv and at celebrations closer to home.

It is with both of these thoughts in mind that I resolve this year to finally make progress on two goals I have had for some time now. They are:

1. To find a way to serve single people who are dealing with cancer.
2. To write a book about my experience as a single person with cancer that might help others in the same boat.
   

Both goals are highly attainable, and progress has been made, but it has been slow. I am sharing the goals in this column to ask you to hold me accountable. By so publicly promising, after years of moderate progress, I hope to jump-start the process with the help of a strong support network with a vested interest in seeing these goals to fruition. There are many ways you can help:

If you are a single person who has had cancer, I want to hear from you. Your story could inspire someone, and you can share what services would be helpful to you as you navigate this experience. Complete the survey sponsored by the i2y Foundation and Imerman Angels here.

Send thoughts, ideas or just encouragement in the form of comments on this blog or email to: asinglecell@gmail.com. Check in occasionally and ask how things are going. This will remind me that I better have something to report when someone asks. I will also share an update each month at the end of my column. Short excerpts from past columns will be published in a book from Planet Cancer coming out this spring. The columns will likely be the basis for much of my book as well. I have been writing about living with cancer as a single person for almost three full years now, so there is lots of great content there. Let me know your favorites, or share topics you WISH I’d cover.

Let your favorite cancer organizations know what special support you might benefit from as a single person. There are lots of great organizations already out there serving the cancer community, and I feel no need to reinvent the wheel. If this population can be served through joining forces with existing organizations like i2y, Imerman Angels, MyLifeLine.Org, Planet Cancer, First Descents, Voices of Survivors and others, that is ideal. If eventually, a separate organization becomes necessary, that’s fine too. Help me figure out how to best reach single people and get you what you need.

I am planning to put together a dream team of single survivors to help me get this going this year. I know I can’t do it alone. I was lucky enough in November to connect with so many amazing people from the Young Adult cancer community and I will be calling upon them as well.

I hope you will make some resolutions this year as well. Instead of the same old ones about losing weight and saving money, be creative. What do you really want to do in 2010? Now is a great time to reflect and put some goals on paper. Share them publicly and ask the people in your life to support and encourage you to reach them.

Inspiration

I had the privilege of spending two amazing days with 130 members of the LIVESTRONG Young Adult Alliance in Austin, Texas recently. These admirable individuals and organizations are doing amazing work for those affected by cancer and their loved ones, particularly those 15-39 – seventy thousand of whom are diagnosed each year.

Kudos to the Lance Armstrong Foundation, and CEO Doug Ullman, for once again seeing a need and acting to meet it. By creating this coalition to improve the survival rates and quality of life for young adults, they are helping to fill the gap in care that can often leave this group dangling between the worlds of pediatric and adult oncology, making it difficult to know where they fit.

The Alliance formed three years ago with the development of a Progress Review Group (PRG) - a call to action, basically – which still guides its work. Four task forces do the main work of the Alliance in-between annual meetings: Science, Membership, Standards of Care and Awareness. Through these work groups, the Alliance conducts research, brings new members into the group, helps raise awareness about cancer prevention and services, and shares information about the latest science-based cancer research and treatment options.

The two-day conference consisted of keynote presentations by Drew Olanoff of Blame Drew’s Cancer and Adam Garone, founder of Movember an organization encouraging men around the world to grow moustaches during November to raise money for men’s cancers, primarily prostate; breakout sessions on harnessing the power of social media, healthcare reform, and survivorship issues among many others; and task force and brainstorming meetings on a variety of issues from the PRG.

I was so inspired by the people around me. From Drew and Adam, both of whom have pledged to raise upwards of a million dollars for the Alliance, to so many others who are doing so much to help young adults and further the cause of survivorship:

Brad Ludden – the professional kayaker who started teaching kayaking to kids at a cancer camp near his home in Montana as a way to give back, and then discovered that while there are tons of programs for children with cancer, young adults were practically ignored. Thus First Descents was born in 2000 when Brad was only 18. He realized the healing power of the outdoors and the confidence that can come from paddling a class III rapid or scaling a rock wall, and tons of young adult survivors have benefited from his vision ever since.

Marcia Donziger – struck by ovarian cancer at age 27, Marcia went in for surgery to remove a cyst on her ovary, and woke up to discover that her doctor had performed a complete hysterectomy when he discovered cancer throughout her pelvic region. Married at the time and trying to start a family, Marcia was devastated, and her marriage eventually ended as a result of her diagnosis. Marcia remembers how difficult it was to keep in touch with friends and family about her treatment and condition, and being overwhelmed by the number of calls she received during that time. Inspired by another cancer patient who used a website to keep people in the loop, in 2006 Marcia founded MyLifeLine.Org providing free websites to cancer patients so they could easily keep their loved ones informed about what was going on with them and get support during treatment.

Matthew Zachary – diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 21 while still in college, this concert pianist and composer lost the use of his hands for a time during treatment – a devastating blow to his future career plans. At the time of his diagnosis there were few resources for young adults living with this disease, and in 2004 Matthew founded Steps for Living, the precursor to i2y - I’m Too Young for This Cancer Foundation, an organization that connects young adult survivors with resources, produces a weekly online radio program called the Stupid Cancer Show, and serves as an advocate for the AYA (Adolescents & Young Adults) community primarily through the harnessing of social media.

Heidi Adams – learned she had cancer when she was in her twenties, and as she navigated treatment, she saw very few others who looked like her. Most of the chairs in the chemo room were filled with silver-haired grandparents who told her she was too young to have cancer. When a thoughtful nurse introduced Heidi to two other young adults in treatment, they gravitated toward each other like flies to honey, sharing their frustrations, struggles and encouragement. Both of Heidi’s lifelines relapsed and died from their disease, and Heidi started Planet Cancer in their memories. The organization provides an international network for AYAs through a social networking website, retreats and a soon to be published book.

Jonny Imerman – lost a testicle to cancer at age 26. While fighting cancer, he received tons of support from family and friends, but longed to talk with someone else who had been through what he was going through. He wanted to ask for advice from someone who understood what it was like to have testicular cancer at such a young age. In 2003, he founded Imerman Angels to connect cancer “fighters” with cancer survivors who were like them. The organization strives to match patients based on age, diagnosis, geographic location, gender and even religion for those to whom that is important.

I have known some of these individuals for a while, and met others for the first time at this meeting. I benefited from many of these programs or ones like them during my diagnosis, treatment and survivorship, and thank God that these individuals were inspired to do something for this community so their services would be around when I needed them. I often say that Lance Armstrong getting cancer is the best thing to ever happen to those of us who have experienced this disease. He has done so much to advocate for research and funding and to define survivorship. Just being in the LIVESTRONG offices in Austin was inspiring to those of us who participated in this meeting. Seeing Lance’s seven yellow jerseys hanging in the foyer, meeting Kelli Craddock, the young adult guru on staff, connecting with so many others who wear the yellow wristbands not because it’s trendy, but for a deeper reason, was profoundly inspiring to me.

I went to Austin to push my agenda. I don’t necessarily feel the need at this point to start my own non-profit when there are so many already out there doing good work for this population, but I did want to raise awareness about the unique needs of single people who get cancer, and encourage these organizations to do more to serve this audience. I lobbied First Descents, Camp Mak A Dream and Planet Cancer to consider singles-only sessions of their programs, promoted my online survey to better assess the needs of this population, and raised the issue as one that the Alliance should focus more attention on in the future.

My time in Austin was a huge success from many perspectives, and I feel so privileged to be able to be a part of this amazing group. Because the LIVESTRONG Foundation is a catalyst for so much of the work that has helped so many, I want to close with their manifesto, which has been a source of strength:

The Manifesto of the Lance Armstrong Foundation
We believe in life.
Your life.
We believe in living every minute of it with every ounce of your being.
And that you must not let cancer take control of it.
We believe in energy: channeled and fierce.
We believe in focus: getting smart and living strong.
Unity is strength. Knowledge is power. Attitude is everything.
This is the Lance Armstrong Foundation.
We kick in the moment you’re diagnosed.
We help you accept the tears. Acknowledge the rage.
We believe in your right to live without pain.
We believe in information. Not pity.
And in straight, open talk about cancer.
With husbands, wives and partners. With kids, friends and neighbors. And the people you live with, work with, cry and laugh with.
This is no time to pull punches.
You’re in the fight of your life.
We’re about the hard stuff.
Like finding the nerve to ask for a second opinion.
And a third, or a fourth, if that’s what it takes.
We’re about getting smart about clinical trials.
And if it comes to it, being in control of how your life ends.
It’s your life. You will have it your way.
We’re about the practical stuff.
Planning for surviving. Banking your sperm. Preserving your fertility. Organizing your finances. Dealing with hospitals, specialists, insurance companies and employers.
It’s knowing your rights.
It’s your life.
Take no prisoners.
We’re about the fight.
We’re your champion on Capitol Hill. Your advocate with the healthcare system. Your sponsor in the research labs.
And we know the fight never ends.
Cancer may leave your body, but it never leaves your life.
This is the Lance Armstrong Foundation.
Founded and inspired by one of the toughest cancer survivors on the planet.
LIVESTRONG™

Loneliness

Most of the time I am very satisfied, even ecstatic, about my life as an independent, single woman. My lifestyle allows me to do the things I want to do when I want to do them. If I feel like staying in bed all day on a cold, rainy Sunday afternoon reading a book, I can do it. When I want to jump in my car or hop on a plane for a fun weekend get-away, only my budget might prevent me. There are no demands from a partner or children that get in the way of my needs. I feel lucky to live in a time and culture that allows me the freedom to live independently, and I make the most of that freedom to live the kind of life that I want to live.

Ninety-five percent of the time, I am completely happy with my life. However, the five-percent can be really difficult, because there are those times when no one relishes being alone – when the toilet overflows, the car breaks down or when you get sick. I also tend to feel really alone during either times of great celebration or mourning – usually on a large scale: Princess Diana’s death, 9/11, when my candidate wins an election or the beginning of a new year. These are times you want to share with others.

Whenever I read a Jane Austen book, or watch a movie about a different period in history, I am often thankful to live when I do, in a time when women don’t have to marry in order to gain protection and financial security, when I am free to work, dress and live how I choose. I also see the drawbacks of modern-day culture as well. As technological advances allow us more virtual connectedness – playing chess with someone in China or teleconferencing with business associates around the globe – it can also sap meaningful face-to-face connections.

I was recently with a group of friends at brunch and looked up to see most of the people around the table furiously using their smart phones rather than engaging the group in front of them. I admit to loving my iPhone for allowing me instant access to all kinds of great information and entertainment, but it drives me crazy when updating people in the virtual world takes priority over the warm-blooded human being sitting in front of you.

As more of us choose to live independently because our finances allow it, remaining single longer, divorcing more readily and having fewer children is becoming more and more common. These trends are also causing more isolation than at any time in human history. Primitive cultures forced people to live and work together in order to survive. I wonder about the emotional cost of our modern culture, and what physical outcomes can arise from loneliness and disconnection.

Dr. Dean Ornish (1998) stated at the beginning of his book Love & Survival: “Our survival depends on the healing power of love, intimacy, and relationships. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. As individuals. As communities. As a culture. Perhaps even as a species.” (p. 1) Dr. Andrew Weil (1997) also postulates about the communal nature of human beings meant to live in families, tribes, and communities, and says that when we lack those connections, we suffer.

Perhaps loneliness and lack of connection can actually contribute to poor health. It certainly is difficult to be alone when we are sick. Whether it’s a sore throat, the flu or cancer, not having someone at hand to take care of us when we’re not well is a big fat bummer. I have long been interested in supporting single folks who are dealing with cancer. While there are a multitude of resources for cancer patients, there is nothing specifically for those of us going through it alone, and that number seems to be rising as cancer strikes at younger ages, while many of us put off marriage until later.

I recently conducted a survey of single cancer survivors to gauge the needs of this audience. Mostly the results weren’t surprising; the issues you would expect floated to the top: dating anxiety, body image, loneliness, fertility problems and a desire for more support.

One man said, “I still struggle with what to tell anybody I meet, especially women I’m romantically interested in, about my medical history. I had a scar revision to replace my original thyroidectomy scar that looked like something on Frankenstein’s monster. Even though the new scar is fading, I’m still conscious of it everyday, and I make sure it’s covered up by whatever shirt I wear.”

More than 75% of respondents reported that connections with other cancer patients who were like them were the most helpful during treatment and afterward. It’s not as lonely when you can share with others who have gone through it or are in the same boat.

The stories that were shared broke my heart, and rang true to my own feelings in many cases as well. Many single survivors feel like damaged goods with their weird scars and other bodily impacts of cancer, loss of fertility in many cases, and sometimes crushing debt. Single people might already feel as if their status were based upon being flawed in some way, and cancer certainly multiplies that feeling. “Who would choose to be with someone who might not live that long or can’t have kids,” we think?

One woman shared, “I am now five years out and finally beginning to feel normal again, but in five years, I have not been on one date. I want to get married. I want a boyfriend. I just want to go on a date. But for now, I am a 42-year-old spinster who got breast cancer at age 37, lost her chance for children, and has yet to meet the man of my dreams.”

Some report serious financial issues or lack of health insurance, and having to move back in with their parents for help, and a significant number shared how overwhelmed they felt having to make so many huge decisions on their own.

One woman said, “I often don’t feel I have much to live and fight for. So many times you hear people battling cancer say things like, ‘If it weren’t for wanting to be with my spouse, I don’t know how I could have done it all.’ Or people want to survive to be there for their children. If my life ended, it wouldn’t really be a big deal to anyone but my mom, so motivation is pretty hard to come by when you’re faced with side effects, stress, anxiety, bad news, uncomfortable tests, horrid procedures, putting your life on hold, debt and never having any time or money or energy. And all for what?”

Loneliness can be so damaging, and not just for those of us facing serious illnesses. My hope is that we don’t continue on the unhealthy path of foregoing real human connections. They are truly what make life worth living.

If you know a single cancer survivor who might want to take the survey, send them here.

Citations

Eight Weeks to Optimum Health (1997), Random House, Andrew Weil, M.D.

Love & Survival: Eight Pathways to Intimacy and Health (1998), Harper-Collins, Dean Ornish, M.D.

Know Your Body; Know the Symptoms

The title of this column is the theme of this year’s Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. Each September teal ribbons are worn to remind us that ovarian cancer is the deadliest of all female reproductive cancers, and a leading cause of death among women.

Even in its early stages ovarian cancer has symptoms, but they are subtle, and common to many other diagnoses. One of the main reasons ovarian cancer is so deadly is that the disease often goes undiagnosed until it is advanced. However, research indicates that 95 percent of women diagnosed had symptoms and 90 percent experienced them even with early-stage cancer, so there is hope that with awareness, more lives can be saved. But most women – 75 percent – are still diagnosed in advanced stages. Be persistent with your doctor if you feel that something is not right. You know your body better than anyone else. Insist on further testing if you are having symptoms. What can you do to help spread the word?

Suggestions:

· Tweet or use Facebook to share this link to more information, and/or a symptoms list on September 4 or anytime during Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month.

· Participate in a march or other event in your area. Google “ovarian cancer events” to find fundraisers and events in your area during September. I will be speaking at one in Denver on September 12 – The Teal Soiree, hosted by the Cheryl Shackelford Foundation. If you live near Denver, please join me.

· Write your political representatives to encourage them to fund ovarian cancer research and/or your health insurance company to ask them to cover annual screening for the disease. Many mistakenly believe that a pap test will detect ovarian cancer. Actually, it screens only for cervical cancer. There is currently NO definitive test to screen for ovarian cancer. Research funding will help speed up the process to develop one.

· Email your friends or ask them in person if they are familiar with the symptoms of ovarian cancer. You can obtain symptom cards from the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance or a local ovarian cancer organization to share with loved ones.

· Donate to an ovarian cancer research or advocacy organization. They know the most crucial needs and can direct your funds to those areas. Donate in honor or memory of a friend with the disease. It will be the best gift you could ever give them.

In 2007, the Gynecologic Cancer Foundation, the Society of Gynecologic Oncologists and the American Cancer Society, with significant support from the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance, formed a consensus statement which follows.

"Historically ovarian cancer was called the “silent killer” because symptoms were not thought to develop until the chance of cure was poor. However, recent studies have shown this term is untrue and that the following symptoms are much more likely to occur in women with ovarian cancer than women in the general population. These symptoms include:

• Bloating
• Pelvic or abdominal pain
• Difficulty eating or feeling full quickly
• Urinary symptoms (urgency or frequency)

Women with ovarian cancer report that symptoms are persistent and represent a change from normal for their bodies. The frequency and/or number of such symptoms are key factors in the diagnosis of ovarian cancer. Several studies show that even early stage ovarian cancer can produce these symptoms.

Women who have these symptoms almost daily for more than a few weeks should see their doctor, preferably a gynecologist. Prompt medical evaluation may lead to detection at the earliest possible stage of the disease. Early stage diagnosis is associated with an improved prognosis.

Several other symptoms have been commonly reported by women with ovarian cancer. These symptoms include fatigue, indigestion, back pain, pain with intercourse, constipation and menstrual irregularities. However, these other symptoms are not as useful in identifying ovarian cancer because they are also found in equal frequency in women in the general population who do not have ovarian cancer."

I was lucky. My diagnosis came after severe pain and a trip to the emergency room, and luckily, it was caught at an early, treatable stage. Most symptoms are far more subtle and persistent. If you knew that sharing information or sending a link to this column could save the life of a woman you love, would you do it?